The first rule of derby is...

Don't be a douchebag.

Nobody likes these things. Nobody.

No, really. I know this sounds obvious, but it's actually hard to stick to this rule sometimes. I guess with all the big personalities that it takes to actually do derby, plus the fact that it's an aggressive and dramatic sport, things can sometimes spill over or people will read things into offhand comments or actions when there was no bad intention there in the first place. There are little things that might be mildly irritating, but you push through them because that's what you need to do to actually do derby. But then those things escalate. And then, before you know it, you have a full blown league crisis on your hands. And nobody wants to have to deal with that.

Why does it happen? The douchebaggery phenomenon (as I'll call it) is partially sociological: A lot of talking goes on in derby (notwithstanding any stereotypes about its inevitability, given we are having large groups of women hanging out together). There will be communication problems: things get misconstrued and misinterpreted. Given the large number of people who do derby, it's also inevitable that you will have subgroups or cliques form. You will end up being better friends with some people than others. Hell, teams are an obvious instance of subgroups within a league, not to mention all the informal socialising-y groups that also will spring up.

Sheep can be bitches. (Photo: Martyn Peck)

However, I think part of it is also symbolic. Derby is all about inclusion, or at least it prides itself on being so. So maybe when someone feels like they are excluded or isolated from the rest of the group, then it becomes more hurtful than in situations where inclusiveness isn't such a big deal. Everything else being equal, it might be worse to be excluded from a group in roller derby because it's not just about not getting to skate, it's the fact that you're not getting to skate with a particular group of people. And so if it's more hurtful to do that, a natural response might be to resent the fact that this is happening.

Anyway, I'm not a sociologist or psychologist or anything like that, but this is all well documented. Interestingly it seems to happen to EVERY league that I have come across, to some extent or another. Bonnie D. Stroir blogged about it here, and Bunnie's got some nice offerings for how to deal with it here. And these are just the tip of the iceberg. Skatelog has a whole bunch of entries about different aspects of how to address conflicts within a league, and that sort of thing. I'm not sure how much I can really offer on this perspective, but here are a couple of ways of breaking down the "Don't be a douchebag" rule into some nice, tasty and easily-digestible chunks:

There is no "I" in "team", or "league" for that matter

Notice it says "we're", not "I'm".

I often wish that you weren't allowed to have the number 1 for your derby number. For symbolic reasons, I don't think that any one individual should get to be "Number One", as it were. Of course, if your entire team wins something and then you are all collectively Numero Uno, then that's awesome, and good for you. But nobody should be in a position where they are more important than anyone else in the team. The whole point of being in a team is that you have an aggregation of individuals, where the interests of the team are supposed to be paramount (or else you just have a bunch of individuals skating around, not an actual team skating).

Everyone is a moral equal
This is often a hard one to remember. I think it's almost the converse of the previous point. Whities and freshies are just as important and valuable to the team as someone who's scrimmaging or on a travel team or is a captain or holds a committee position or anything like that. They are just as much a part of the league as anyone else, and should be treated that way.

But note: when I say that everyone is a moral equal, it doesn't mean that you have to treat everyone exactly the same. That would be stupid: it would mean throwing freshies into the deep end, or having sessions where scrimmaging skaters aren't learning anything. What I mean here is that everyone deserves equal respect for their skating ability and their capacity to learn and grow as a skater. The weakest skater in your pace line isn't dead weight; she just needs more of your support, not more of your yelling. If you can do backwards crossovers that's great, but realise that not everyone can, so have the time to give newer skaters pointers. The whities and freshies deserve just as much praise and encouragement for something they have achieved as someone who is drafted onto a team, even if that thing is a T-stop. What we sometimes need to do is just step back and see the skater as a person, not just as a particular rank or skill level. In short: equal respect, and equal consideration. 

The only round things in derby should be wheels.

Shit happens
Sometimes you just have a bad day. Deal with it, but realise that you are having a bad day and don't take it out on other people. Not everyone is psychic. They will not will know that you are having a bad day or what your problem is unless you tell them. (I'm guilty of this myself sometimes, but I'm trying to get better.) The fact that you tell them that it's only temporary will be something that alleviates the tension as well; you won't be seen as a mega-bitch who is constantly PMS-ing and people will actually be sympathetic if you talk about it. And maybe sometimes all you do need is to rant and get it all out. There are people who will, believe it or not, listen to what you have to say. Keeping things to yourself and letting them stew is an excellent way to lose perspective.

Remember your roots
As people become more advanced, they sometimes forget where they came from. Sometimes we don't understand why someone can't plow stop, or why they are complaining that their back hurts from being in derby stance for five seconds. But that's just because those things are second nature to us now. I think it'd actually be interesting for people who are of bouting level to watch some freshies train. (By "interesting" I mean "humbling" here.) We all came from the same place. Everyone had to learn how to skate at some point. For some people, that was twenty years ago. For others, it's last week. Remember that. Be patient.


Know when to shut up

Not part of team uniform.

There are a lot of people in a league. You won't be friends with everyone. By all means, talk to everyone and try to be friends with everyone, but you will inevitably gravitate towards some people more than others. Not a problem in itself. The problem is when you start bitching about people for something they did. If you have the balls to do it, say it to their face. Otherwise, don't say it at all.

This also goes more generally for having grievances about your league. If you have a problem, sort it out internally. Interleague issues are by definition just things to sort out within a league. Deal with them within your league then, obviously. But remember that you should keep an united front for the public to see. Dirty laundry doesn't help anyone, and if anything it might scare off newbies from joining if all they see is a giant shitstorm of drama in their faces.

Interpret charitably

Holy shit. I actually want this; it's a couch/punching bag combo.

A lot of comments get made. Some are nice, some are not. Some can be nice or not nice, depending on how you decide to take it. People can be passive-aggressive. But why not give them the benefit of the doubt?

For all you know, that facebook status update that says "I am having the worst day ever, everything sucks" isn't in relation to a poorly-made ref call or some altercation they had with you on the track. Maybe the person just found out they lost their job, or a loved one, or something else. Believe it or not, not everything is about derby.

Unless they say something like "OMG I hate [some particular person] because they did [some particular thing] at [some particular place] and [some particular time]", you can't be absolutely certain that their rant is directed at you. So don't think that all the ranty comments on facebook or whatever are about you or derby or the league, because they're not.

Finally, STFU & SK8
The best way to not be a douchebag is to just avoid the drama llama in the first place. If you see it brewing, take action to nip it in the bud before it blooms into a giant clusterfuck. If you're pissed at someone, talk to them about it. Then, if that doesn't work, skate out your rage. But complaining about shit doesn't help anyone. If you all realise that you are in it together for the love of roller derby, then keeping that shared goal in mind will help you overcome your obstacles.