A cautionary tale

Like most people, I strongly dislike going to the dentist. I don't like the little high pitched drill things, I don't like how hygienists make you feel guilty about your teeth cleaning practices, I don't like the fact that when I leave I am thanking someone for making my teeth sore and my gums bloody. I also think that teeth are just pretty gross. So yeah, boo going to the dentist, indeed.

But you get free shit from the dentist, hooray.

Anyway, I finally braved going to the dentist today and got my teeth cleaned and whatnot, but one thing I was told was that I had like five cavities. FIVE. What the fuck. I didn't have any a year or so ago, and I don't even like candy. As far as I'm aware, my teeth don't look gross. I am usually pretty good about brushing and even flossing and burning my mouth with listerine, so really, WTF?

Okay, science time. Our teeth have microscopic grooves and pits. Sometimes food and other random stuff can get in there that you can't brush out. Cavities are caused by a bacteria in your mouth that eats all the random food particles. The bacteria is in your saliva as well, and when it eats the food and multiplies, boom, cavities.

Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
And teaching would suit you still less.

You might be asking what this has to do with anything derbyish. Well, because in derby you use mouthguards and they are often covered in spit and other random disgusting shit (e.g. sweat, floor crud, whatever), they harbor bacteria as well, especially if you eat before/during practice and don't clean your teeth/mouthguard (seriously, who has time for that). Then when you don't clean your mouthguard, the bacteria grows on it, and then when you put your mouthguard back into your mouth you're basically shoving a bajillion bacteria into your mouth. Then they get at all those easy to eat food-covered random spots, and have a giant bacteria party.

EWWWWWW.

Okay, gross! Now how do you prevent it? My dentist said something pretty obvious: "you should be cleaning your mouthguard every time you use it." Yes, I felt dumb. I normally brush it with a toothbrush every other week or so, but you can also listerine it (although I did that with mine once and it dyed it green) and you should replace your mouthguard every 6 or so months. I've had mine for over a year. Yeah, so that is some pretty nasty shit.

So because I didn't clean or replace my mouthguard often enough, I have cavities, and I have to go back in and get a shit load of fillings done. Sadface. I hate those stupid drills.

MORAL OF THE STORY: If you don't clean your mouthguard out, this could be you:

SERIOUSLY. VOMIT.
(Not my mouth, to be clear)