How to not dress for Halloween.

(Warning: lots of pottymouth ahead because I am mad.)

One thing I hate about Halloween is the rampant sexification of women's costumes. Like, seriously, WTF. Fuck No Sexist Halloween Costumes does a pretty good job outlining the ridiculousness of this. And this year I came across Sexy Osama Bin Laden. Like, okay, what the fuck is wrong with you people, really.

When you think about the ridiculousness of things like Sexy Osama Bin Laden and stupid shit like Sexy Fruit Salad (and why the fuck are women's costumes the "sexy" version of the norm?) on the one hand, and then even stupider racist shit to throw on top of the misogyny (e.g. this Trayvon Martin costume, complete with blackface) it almost makes "sexy roller derby skater" not offensive.

I'm sorry, but what the fuck is this shit.

Let's ignore the fact that the first time I saw this was on DNN. Or, let's not. Like, maybe if they weren't also promoting athleticism and whatever about derby, then that might be okay. But if people go to them for a source of information on derby and see this, doesn't this just give a really, really wrong idea about derby, especially since people don't already have much idea of how it is played (besides the obvious "oh I saw Whip It so I understand it" sort of thing).

Of course, I'm not saying that derby is a special case, since pretty much every sport (involving women or not) is sexified at Halloween. But this one doesn't even make any fucking sense.

Here's an alternative one from Value Village.
It's not perfect, but it is much less ridiculous,
and hey, she's actually got pads and a helmet
AND SKATES with it.

In the image above, there are stars on her boobspenders (I call them that because as far as I can gather the suspenders are connected to the boob tube?), and stars on derby helmet covers, so maybe that makes it derby?! I don't know, but I'm really reaching here. Also, if you go to the store website for this, the pads aren't even included. The only thing remotely derby-ish about this picture isn't even included. *headdesk*

 So besides the unnecessary sexification of women with this costume, the fact that DNN posted this apparently "for fun" could potentially be leading people who might want to know about the sport down the wrong path. It's different from something like this sexy football player costume because hey, people actually know about football, so they KNOW it is a costume. They don't know about derby, so it is actually possible that people think that we actually wear shit like this to skate. It's like when people talk about whether or not derby is a sport--shit like this makes it look much more NOT like a sport, because people have much less to go on than in other sports for information.

Okay, but let's try to find a silver lining. The only thing derby about this is if you went to a party wearing this and someone who did derby asked you what you were supposed to be and you told them, they would probably hipcheck you in the face because this costume is so freaking stupid.

But if you're still looking for a nonstupid costume, do not despair! At least there are some other choices available. Take Back Halloween has an awesome list of non-sexified, historically accurate (to some extent) representations of strong females on which to base one's costume. (They even have one specific for my wife, yay!)

Yeah! Science, bitch!

Well, not really, and this might just be the Breaking Bad withdrawals or whatever, but I came across this roller derby periodic table (click here for the high res version) and it looks pretty neat.

I like how it spells out what the penalties are, and the bottom block are the variants of the ones in the top part of the table. The only thing that could make it cooler is if the "atomic weights" of the offenses were such that they related to the sections of the WFTDA rules, but otherwise, this is pretty cool. (Plus it makes it easier to learn the codes you need for being a NSO penalty tracker!)

Also, I just wanted to post this:

Needs more punctuation. But you get the point!

Ducks in a row

This one comes courtesy of Smooth Operator, who was our guest coach at practice tonight! One skater is designated to be "Number 1" (or I like to say, "Mother duck"). All the other skaters skate behind and basically try to get the number 2 spot right behind her, and maintain that spot. You can block people out of the spot if necessary, or hit them out of bounds, or knock them over, so long as it's all legal.

Out of my way, bitch!

It probably looks less like a line of ducks as much as it looks like the mother duck with a clump of aggessive ducklings behind her who keep hitting each other.

Two rules though: if you touch the number 1 mother duck person, you have to skate a lap and rejoin at the back. Also, if the mother duck stops and you stop ahead of her or go out of bounds to stop, you have to skate a lap and rejoin at the back.

So you're practicing staying really close to someone without plowing into her while she's speeding up and slowing down and whatnot. And people are hitting you all this time.

Also, apparently, for people watching us do this drill, it's like watching NASCAR.

Super heroes do roller derby!

Yep, and now there's evidence of it!

Check out these cute DC vs Marvel comic rollergirls, done by Kevin Bolk (aka K-Bo).

I have to say that I certainly do approve of them all wearing appropriate derby gear, since you get so many pictures of "roller derby" where it's a girl on skates without pads or a helmet. So this at least gets that bit right. But hey, they have pads on, but not just any old pads; their pads are character specific. I mean, check out Harley Quinn's wrist guards or Spider Woman's kneepads.

And they have proper derby skates on, not those artistic crazy boots. Yay!


More of his art is here on Deviantart.

Squee!!

Skater awareness drill

This is a drill I've been thinking about for a long time, but I don't think we've ever done it. I think I was talking to someone about this at Post Tax Smacks a long time ago, and they did this at their league and it was really helpful (although I can't remember who it is, so if it was you, let me know so I can thank and credit you!)

This is what it is like.

Basically the idea is that awareness of  where your teammates, the jammer, the OJ, etc. are are REALLY important to know in a bout situation. So you have everyone skate around as per a jam situation (maybe at 60-70%, so no balls to the wall business for reasons that follow).

On the whistle, all the skaters have to take a knee and close their eyes (once they're down, so it's not like you are taking a knee and plowing into someone). When everyone is down, randomly ask people who is next to them, or where their teammates are, or where the jammer is, or ask the jammer how far they are from the pack, or where the OJ is, and so on. Or you could even say "where is [this particular person]". Then when people have made guesses as to where they think the relevant people are, have them open their eyes and actually look.

You'd be surprised. Where you think people are is usually NOT where they actually are. Unless you have a very close working with your teammates in terms of knowing how they skate and where they like to be (inside/outside etc.), this is a really good learning experience. After you repeat this a few times people will become more aware of where their teammates are, where they should be, where the opposing jammer is, etc. and then they will actually move to places where they can be more effective.

This drill also works for the refs, in terms of them being aware of where everyone is, where their jammer is, and so on. So everyone wins!

The Lurby Circle

When I started at VDL, Pitts (who was then-President of the league) introduced a new term: lurby. It's supposed to be some portmanteau of "derby love". I'm not a huge fan of the spelling but whatever, the idea is that you have love not just for roller derby itself, but those who play it, and those who enable you to be able to be part of it.

Sometimes we all need a bit more lurby. Every league goes through some drama where there's some internal squabbling over something or another. But in doing so we sometimes lose sight of what matters, and then people get angry and frustrated, and then they cry and walk away.

I've already written a whole giant blog entry about derby drama. I'm not going into that again. But when I was recently back in Australia and skating with VDL, I noticed that they had a new tradition to counteract the problems that came with politics and drama. Basically, at the end of each practice session, all the skaters--regardless of their skill levels or who they were--sat down in a circle while they were taking their gear off, and each went around and said who they had lurby for based on that session. So you might say that you have lurby for a freshie who has just nailed a new skill, or for a coach for an awesome session, or whatever it is. But it was a good way to bring everyone together at the end and just refocus on the important stuff, which is the fact that we are all in it together.

P.S. The awesome Derby Love ring showed above is available at I heart roller derby. Squee!

What is this I don't even

So in my internet trawlings, I randomly came across this yesterday:

Two things:

1) Richard Simmons has a music video.
2) THE LA DERBY DOLLS ARE IN IT.


WHAT?!

Happy Friday :D